I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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