I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
