I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
