I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
