Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
