Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
