Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
