I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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