He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
