I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
