All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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