Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
