The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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