I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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