Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
