I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
