I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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