It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
