East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
