nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
