I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
