Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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