3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Couch. On fire.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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