Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
