i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
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I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
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As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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