what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
