If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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