I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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