Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
This house was built for laser tag.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She's the barista slut.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
