You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
