If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
