Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
and i looked up. we had an audience...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
