Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
