told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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