don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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