Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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