Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
