Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
