Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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