I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
