I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
