I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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