we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Randomize
