You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
this will be a night to untag.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
