There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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