If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
