it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
