I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
