My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
