dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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