I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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