i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Randomize
