yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
