My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Randomize
