Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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