I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
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He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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