Where did you get a picture of my penis
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
