what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
