the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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