He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
