thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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