just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
