i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
