Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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