I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
