Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
