I'm laying in your front yard are you home
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
