My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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