oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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