Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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