He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
