Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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