I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
