and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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