scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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