oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
