none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
What a dumb baby whore.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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