Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
