it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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