She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
