So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
