I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
