Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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