Cold hands, warm shart.
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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