Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
