My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
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Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
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He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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