Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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