Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
