Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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