I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
